The effects of Drugs and Alcohol in our society (New zealand)

To achieve this standard, the student needs to produce a selection of fluent and
coherent writing, which develops, sustains and structures ideas and commands
attention. This involves demonstrating a sophisticated understanding of audience and
purpose through the insightful integration of ideas, language features and structure,
creating a striking whole.
The student produces a fluent and coherent narrative short story about teenage
friendship, which sufficiently commands attention.
The student does this by:
• Sustaining the central idea of conflicting tension in teenage friendships when
romance enters the picture. A range of observations are effectively integrated to
create a sustained and immediate impression of the “slice in time” conveyed in
the short story, eg. “No surprises there, even without that pose”, “In other
words… indulge in the role of the victim” (1), “Now that I was sitting opposite
her in some trendy café…”, “Thirteen years it had spanned…” (2), “For all the
effort it took to read her face, I might as well have been illiterate” (3), “turning
my head to readjust my shoelace” (6), “left the princess in the tragedy she
adored” (7).
• Using effective structures to create a striking whole. The opening comments
catch the reader’s attention and are developed and explained throughout the
narrative and returned to in the closing comments.
• Insightfully integrating ideas of tension in teenage friendships through use of
language features throughout. These generally command attention. A range of
sentences types and lengths are effectively handled to convey the impressions
and situation of the deserted friend. A range of diction and original phrases are
employed. Varied sentence lengths are used, including the short sentence for
focus and impact, such as “And she knew it” (2) and “And me” (5).
To achieve Excellence more securely the student needs to consider some syntax and
diction choices, eg. But “I would not play her game and mask invisibility, instead I
casually slid into the same booth, emboldened by my bitterness” (1) and “and for that
left in ignorance” (7).

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